ask rhett: incredible shrinking Blue Jeans

To: Rhett

From: Mimi
Subject: Incredible Shrinking Blue Jeans
Dear Rhett-
I got some Imogenes last February. The sales lady talked me into buying two sizes smaller than I needed, saying that they would loosen up. The jeans loosened up enough so that I could wear them, but they were still tight. I put them away at the beginning of summer (it’s too hot here to wear tight jeans), so they’ve been hanging there, unwashed, for about five months.
Sooo, I tried them back on today and I swear they fit more like the first time I tried them on. This leads me to wonder if I have gained weight (I don’t own a scale) or if these jeans shrink back to their original size a bit if you don’t wear them. Are these babies like a penis, meaning they shrink when they’re not being loved on, or am I just fat?
Looking forward to your expert advice,
Mimi

From: Rhett

To: Mimi

Subject: Re. Incredible Shrinking Blue Jeans
Dear Mimi
I’m not really an expert in anything – least of all shrinking penises. But since you asked …
First things first: We here at Imogene + Willie like to fit people in jeans that are snugger than they are probably used to. Why? Because we know how much they’re gonna stretch. The more you wear them, the looser they’ll get, until your movement molds them into the perfect shape.
The thing that throws people off sometimes about our jeans is that when they come in to the store, we put them in jeans that probably fit a lot better than the ones they’re used to wearing. Men especially have become accustomed to buying jeans that are way too big for them; most guys’ jeans out there are cut too baggy, which means men come in our store all the time with absolutely no idea what their actual jeans size is.
People are used to their brand-new jeans bagging out in the knees and butt literally an hour after they put them on for the first time. This is especially true for girls, who choose jeans based on whether or not they give them a muffin top or make lines in the back of their legs. Well, in the case of our jeans, we’ve found that the size that might initially give you a slight muffin top and put a few wrinkles behind your thighs is actually the pair you should go for, because they’re definitely gonna give a little and then be perfect.
I know: It’s hard to psych yourself up to make a big jean purchase when you feel like you’re stuffed into them. But that’s what I’m here for – to cheer you on!
Back to your actual question. Mimi, as cute as your scenario is about those Imogenes drawing up during the five months they spent hanging in your closet, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that they did not shrink.
You say you don’t own a scale? Well, neither do I. What I do have is a pair of Imogene + Willie jeans, which I’ve been known to call “Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself” jeans. In my case, if I can fit into the first pair of Willies I bought, I’m good; if they’re tight, I know I need to cut back on the popsicles.
So, in summary, I can promise that Imogene + Willie jeans will help you stay skinny.
Be well,
Rhett